The reason why

In less than two days' time, I will have less than five minutes to tell a complete stranger why I want to be a doctor. Why do I want to study medicine?

How do I encapsulate the past ten years in a <5 minute speech?

Sifting through all my past thoughts to somehow put this in order.

Why do you want to study medicine?

Medicine sans Frontiers. Doctors without Borders.

I keep forgetting, but that is how it all started.

This is when everything started.

Isn't it strange that a third of the world's population could live in comfort, while the rest of the world suffers from poverty, dies from starvation and diseases that are curable in the first world? 

To be able to travel to places in the world and provide aid where I can, with what the knowledge and training I've accumulated, to deliver the best possible care I can.

We always say Australia is the lucky country. But how many of us truly appreciate it? I recognise it, but I don't think I really truly, from the bottom of my heart appreciate it, because I've always only lived in places similar. But in other parts of the world, people cower, they hide and they live in constant fear of losing their lives.

The more I learn about the human body, the more fascinated and humbled I am by it's intricacies and extreme delicacy. So many things can go wrong. An egg needs to be fertilised at exactly the right time, then it needs to embed itself into the wall of the uterus and grow and grow and grow to become an embryo, fetus then baby. For a life to simply be, so much needs to align and so many processes in the body carried out to perfection.

Life is so precious.

Being a doctor, it's not just a job. It's a part of your life. Doctors interact with people at the most profound and intimate level. When a person comes to a doctor asking for help, they are placing all their trust in the doctor. Trusting that the doctor will listen to them, help them, support them and ease their pain and suffering. And that is such a honour and privilege, something to be so thankful and grateful of. 

Of the mentors and teachers you've had. Of the people who have given their bodies to science so we students can have access to the most invaluable teaching. Of the lives that have been extinguished in our pursuit of new drugs, in the medical experiments we've carried out to improve our understanding and knowledge. Of the people who have supported you through this journey. Of the patients who have generously allowed you to learn from their bodies.

In Dr. Abraham Verghese's words, "I will always, always, always be there. I will see you through this. I will never abandon you. I will be with you to the end."

Weddings & Tears

Wedding videos never fail to make me cry.

This is so beautiful.

Congratulations to Fleur and Mike. 

May your love deepen with each passing year.

Biomed Ball 2013

My iPhone 3S actually takes quite decent photos - when I look it on the computer.

The Peninsula was beaaautifully decorated.

Pre and post-biomed ball

Biomed ball accommodation.
Wanted to take photos at 2am, but I was so tired after I fell asleep within minutes.

I was half-starved when I woke up, so W and I headed to Degraves Street for breakfast.
This place was so well-lit, warm and cozy.

Degraves Espresso Bar
23 Degraves Street, 
Melbourne 3000

Experiments

I wanted to make it flash at the same time so the petals came out transparent.
But it didn't work.

Forever & Always

The day I came home wanting to pound my head out, I threw everything in my room, went to the bathroom and came back to my sister's gift.

I will most possibly love you forever if you buy/give/make me food. Heh.

It's so fluffy I'm gonna die

L's 21st, Cushion Lounge

Wake me up when September ends

I'm happier than I've been for a very long time. Whatever the reason, here's September in photos. 1 I've driven more this past month than all 5 years previously. Templestowe region has the nicest hills and views. 2 Dinner at Groove Train. We were starved by the time food (wedges!) arrived, but W and I still insisted on taking (blurry) photos. Hehe, sorry A, we love you. So began the busiest week I've had in a while. Rushed around buying birthday presents, (skipping) classes, going to work, studying for tests and attending 21sts. 3 T2 tea set - the pastels are so pretty! 4 Officially anaemic. That amuses me, though I know it shouldn't. Iron supplements and herbal medicine to help boost ferritin and haemoglobin levels. 5 Started work. I really enjoy working at this new practice. Now I can explore Collins Street to my heart's content.

Game of Chance

What determines life or death?
Who should have that authority?

The closest by far are doctors, for in their hands, a patient places their complete trust - in hope that they will do everything they can in their best interest, to keep their family members safe for another day.

I bumped into one of my high school friends today at the tram stop. She looked lovely, and I called out her name, "You look lovely today, E! Are you going to work?"

"No," came the reply, "I'm going to a funeral."

"Oh, I'm sorry,' automatically, my hand reached out for her arm. I didn't press for more details, but after a while, she started to talk. The funeral was for a baby. Not a premature baby, like my initial thought, but a ten-day overdue baby.

Every second matters.
Every minute. Every hour. Every day.

How could they not have intervened earlier? Why was a caesarean not performed earlier so the overdue baby and her mother could be kept safe? That the expecting mother felt labour pains but 'did not bleed enough' so they did not intervene, but rather suggested natural delivery, which resulted in the baby suffocating from swallowing meconium. A mere two day old baby whose parents had to make a decision to turn off life support. What and why and how?

A mother carries a baby for ten months.

Before that, the egg must be fertilised at the right time of month. Then the fertilised egg must embed into the wall of the uterus and, miraculously, start to grow and grow and grow to become an embryo, a fetus, a baby. How many processes must be carried out at exactly the right timing? How many cells must divide and replicate without error so a baby can be born healthy? What are the chances? Life is so precious. How do we forget how precious it is? How do we forget how many things must align for a life to simply be? Why do we get so inundated with processes, laws, regulations, hierarchies and protocols?

"What flowers do you think are appropriate?"

I racked my brains for an answer, "White," then I elaborated. "Where I grew up, white is the colour. White roses." Then more memories appeared out of seemingly nowhere, "Carnations - when I was younger I remember, represented a mother's love. We wore carnations on our chest and gave them to our mums on Mother's day."

We stood to ask an elderly lady if she needed a seat.

"This week hasn't been the best. My dad had a heart attack a few days ago."
My heart.

"Is he okay? Are the doctors managing all the post-operative treatment well?" The questions came tumbling out. She assured me it was all well.

My stop was approaching. I grabbed hold of her arm and told her to please pass on my condolences.
"Their next babies will be healthier and stronger. I hope your dad recovers really quickly. My thoughts are with you." The most repeated phrase was the only sentence that came to mind. I held on until I couldn't anymore and dashed off the tram.

And what else could I say?

I bought roses. White and pink :)

Thank you for letting me know. My thoughts are with you, and I hope that wherever the baby is, that she is well, and that her siblings will grow to be safe, healthy and beautiful people.

Love Letters & Coffee

Woke up an hour early and spent it drinking coffee and reading love letters.

I am traditional, without a doubt. Whether it's because of how I grew up, the books I've read or otherwise, I've always loved writing and receiving letters.

Technology these days allows us to deliver messages almost instantaneously, yet at the same time, has gradually led to unintentional neglect of the act of writing. But I do not complain. Compared to those of the distant past, blinding awaiting a word, a letter, a whispering of the whereabouts of their loved ones, I am undoubtedly much, much luckier.

Yes, words you blurt out in an instant can be truer than any crafted letter, and, uttered at the right time and space can and do mean the world. But words, they evaporate as soon as they are articulated, to exist only in the abstract world of memories. To be more cherished, yet just as likely to be forgotten.

Oh, such paradox you say. I am a paradox. Imagine my relief when I came across Morrie's description of the tension of opposites.

But to think - so much of what otherwise cannot be said aloud can be written and delivered. Such poignance, such deep affection, such promises and eloquence. The spoken word is ephemeral; the written word, eternal.

The Tension of Opposites

"Have I ever told you about the tension of opposites?" he says.

The tension of opposites?

"Life is series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted. A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle." 

"Which side wins?"

He smiles at me, the crinkled eyes, the crooked teeth.

"Love wins. Love always wins."

The first time I read this, I paused. Then placed the book face down on the table, laughing in relief. Picking it up once more, I read the paragraph aloud, savouring each and every word.

How do I put it?

It was like sailing in an endless storm. Being tugged to and fro, back and forth. Then amid the anxiety, the confusion, the chaos - coming finally into a quiet port.

That my unsaid feelings, something I was so sure belonged only to me, verbalised.

Such is the power of the written word.

2AM in Hong Kong

Let's explore the world at 2am.

My dslr needs a bit of loving.

Snippets

"Our kids are going to be family friends."
I've never thought about it that way.

"A, you take Monday, Wednesday and Friday. W, Tuesdays and Thursdays. I'll drive them to Chinese school."

"They're going to get into fights and little quibbles and we're going to yell at them collectively."

Time is flying.
I can't wait to see where we'll all be twenty years from now.

Out the window

It's all just perspective, is it not?

Places to go

Last month, W visited Sydney for a short trip and brought me back goodies!

I love receiving postcards. That macaron was divine.

Time to explore Sydneyyy.

Elixir of Life

Much desired product, finally in my hands.

'30 mL for over $60,' I realised as I was applying this the other day and the word 'elixir' jumped, unbidden, into my mind.
Two drops per night. I think it's working wonders.

The Phobia

Kyoko's blog is one of my favourites.

I can't remember exactly how I first stumbled upon her blog, but it was through endless tumblr pages that I clicked brain-food.

She thinks she hasn't made a difference. But to me, she already has.

I've never said it aloud. 

Never quite found the right words.

But I'll try my best.

Dear Kyoko,

Most of the time I read your blog posts with a huge smile plastered over my face. (I love your vegie garden, by the way.) Other times, my heart squirms a little inside because you've articulated what I've felt but could not express for so long. Sometimes when I look through your travels, read through your thoughts and am overcome by an urge to run away. Sail uncharted oceans, throw caution to the wind and run free.

To the hundreds, thousands, maybe eventually even millions of people that have clicked and scrolled endlessly through your 'Writings' page, admired your photography, adored Rufio, laughed over your 'Oh, Dad' posts. To the people you pass by in the streets, to the ones who walk into your comic book store, the ones you've made coffee for... Not to mention to your family and friends, and many, many more.

Kyoko, you have already made a difference. 

More than you think you know.

"Time's up. I'm on my way."

Pack your bag.

More than ever, I wonder if this will ever be a possibility.

But my ship is already sailing, my seas almost charted. 

Will I ever?

Falling in Love

Hoffentlich

Hoffentlich, travel blog from my last trip to Taiwan/HK with friends that extended into the summer holidays, but somehow I never went back.

龔詩嘉 - 再一次擁有

It comes up every now and then.

能不能讓我 再一次擁有
曾屬於我的溫柔

Day & Night - Gummy

Started watching The Master's Sun under L's recommendation.
Aside from me scaring myself, I'm really liking it.

Love this song and Gummy's voice so so much.

I still think Korean love songs are the best.
If only I could understand them firsthand.

One day.