Skin, muscle and bone.

Random thought. 

Exactly how do certain features make a person look older or younger? 
After all, they're all a composition of bone, muscle, skin and whatnot.

Somehow the way our brain interprets it must subconsciously make a distinction. Then is that a natural processing or a subliminal conditioning which has led me to such conclusions?

And how is it that the kid I saw yesterday had the features of a person much older, despite his tiny physique. Or that the girl yesterday looked young, despite having a body she's not yet grown into?

Mornington -

I'm trying not to be a perfectionist.

I'll post these up now, because otherwise they will never go up and will disappear into nothingness in my hard drive.

You know what's kind of beautiful?

Having spent half of the last ten years in a constant state of yearning, I think, has resulted indadvertedly in me missing the actual feeling of missing someone.

In Bridget Vreeland's words, "I think I was missing the idea of missing."
And that's how it was, even though these words floated past the back of my eyes every time the phrase crossed my mind.

Source: rebloggy

I hardly use the phrase, "I miss you". But in recent days and conversations, it has just really made a pang in my heart.

You are missing from me.
I cannot be whole without you.

Which leads me to the memory of reading The Missing Piece by Shel Silverstein - and that grand, transcending moment of bittersweet comprehension. Read the book again. It's the kind of understanding I wanted as a kid - "You'll know when you grow up."

Gallbladder

How adorable is he.

Lars the awkward yeti 

In a frenzy.

Sat down to watch The Voice of China with my parents after dinner today.
This girl's vocals.

Their performance in the duet is heartbreaking.

Mr. Edward Magorium: 37 seconds.
Molly Mahoney: Great. Well done. Now we wait.
Mr. Edward Magorium: No. We breathe. We pulse. We regenerate. Our hearts beat. Our minds create. Our souls ingest. 37 seconds, well used, is a lifetime. 

-- Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium

On cultural awareness

Recently attended a MUHI Crossing Borders, Cultural Awareness program, which provided valuable insight and, simply said, perspective, on asylum seekers and refugees living within Australia, focussing especially on the difficulties they experience after arrival, cultural differences, and how we, as medical personnel, will best be able to speak to them, gain trust, establish rapport and help them find their footing in an alien nation.

The workshop concluded with a simulated patient, who was suffering post-traumatic stress disorder. After the interview, we had a chance to speak to the SP as herself, not in character, for feedback and analysis.

She covered her mouth, a wide bright smile flitting about, "Am I allowed to speak as myself yet?" Soft-spoken and full of laughter, she explains her role and the story behind her character, "This poor lady, whilst trying to flee her homeland, she accidentally stepped on a landmine and in the process, lost her baby. At night, the memories come flooding back - her baby, why didn't she protect her baby better? Then she worries about the rest of her family - her mother, father, sisters - are they well? Are they safe? Her husband is always working to support them here and always sending money back home. She sits all day at home, staring at the wall. Praying, always praying. Always, the guilt. It could have been us. Why did we live and they die? Why are we living in safety when our family members back home cower, fearing for their lives?"

This is not uncommon.
If not, one of the less horrific stories.

My goodness, the scale and depth of a world I cannot even hope to grasp even a wisp of.

I've begun to appreciate the depth and scope of all the fiction I read as a young child. You don't understand it back then, it's just a story. And you love merely the story. You never understand what teachers say when they talk 'themes' explored, but you love the story for being what it is - wonderfully painted in your mind's eye. As with all things they come with age, understanding, at last. The recent first MD student conference has drilled this thought into me.

After years and years, I finally understand.

"The unreal is more powerful than the real. Nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. It’s only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. Stone crumbles. Wood rots. People, well, they die. But things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on. If you can change the way people think. The way they see themselves. The way they see the world. You can change the way people live their lives. That’s the only lasting thing you can create."

-- Chuck Palahniuk

Travel thoughts from 2012

Life consists of meetings and partings - make the most of time you have together; talk to strangers, they may end up becoming the most important parts of your life; give the people in your life your all, love them unconditionally; don't be petty, especially with money - it is easily replenished, but not a broken relationship. Sometimes, just let some things go; don't be so prone to anger; be patient, be kind and compassionate, be bold, be brave; where possible, give; appreciate what you have and be thankful always.

We all start off as strangers, but somehow, something brings us together. Do you believe in fate? I do. Somehow in the course of the year, I forgot this belief, and let the demons of my present take me. Whatever will be, will be. It doesn't mean you do naught and let the course of nature take over, but rather, just let things be. If you experience a setback, then it is for a reason - though not always to be known immediately. Live your days into your unanswered questions. Don't be so neurotic and controlling about every single aspect of your life. Just breathe. Let it go. Don't be cynical about love either, whether you achieve the coveted happily ever after depends on your choices and how willing you are to give, how hard you work, how strong your will is in never giving up on the person you love.

Remember that there is always a way. Functional end arteries of the heart were designed so an alternate path could be developed and taken in dire need. We can do the same.

While on the bus back to I-lan from Taipei, December 16 2012

It's over.

The search for tea and most of the items on my wishlist.

Mind you, the list consisted of barely tangible items. 

A list only I would understand - 'non-crease shirts, silk blouses, nice suit pants...' nonsensical, pertaining only to my ever-evolving needs, excuse me, 'wants'.

Albeit, I haven't been the most diligent in my hunt. But having the time to finally sit down and explore blogs and other spheres I've been putting off... finally. The search is over.

Starting with The Seventh Duchess and their beautifully packaged loose leaf teas.

Source: The Seventh Duchess

Dear bank account, you may start shedding tears.

Post-TFIOS screening

Finally made it to the cinemas to watch TFIOS. No expectations, because I doubted any interpretation would best the one I constructed.

Maybe I got it half wrong.

Sure, the love story was important, pivotal, mood-eliciting and at times adorable. But there was so much focus on that. What about the other themes? Personally, I loved the parts about existentialism, making a difference and what kind of legacy you'd want to leave behind. The way it was written made the story so much more exquisite.

Being seated next to giggling girls swooning at every sight of Gus, dissolving into loud sobs, bemoaning the ending and what not did nothing to help - though after my initial distaste and annoyance, I conceded grudgingly that at least it meant they were still young and had much to felt. (Or were they?)

Then the fiasco with the broken car remote and night-shattering alarm. Choices: to brave the cold whilst desperately willing it to work or hang our heads in shame and let the car scream bloody murder? Hilarity and plenty of profanity. The biting wind finally forced the second option. Some part of me was so certain cops would materialise out of nowhere and demand an explanation and identification.

Then the usual car conversation; all legs, pouring rain and condensation. Pulling things to bits and overanalysing. As always, we'll probably look back in a few years, perplexed as to why we ever thought so seriously so young. Until then.

Postcards from Phillip Island

"How many times in your life will you walk in the pelting rain, in face of a rising tide with the ocean lapping at your feet in Phillip Island?" 

So I reasoned, and we continued on.

Encapsulating Hakuna Matata.

That little ducky makes me so happy every time I see it.

Double rainbow and sunshowers.
Position yourself 40 degrees with your back towards the sun.

Food coma after food coma.

Under- and overestimations, next time we'll get it right.

 

Why, thank you Space Team. 

Hahaha, fun times.

Obligatory cloud photo in memory of the old days.

What more do you require? Hee.

We thought we'd be able to spend a whole morning here.
Until we drove by after Peninsula Hotsprings and reformulated our plans.

"Amy, do you want to try and see how durable that Totoro will be after you drop it?"

Brilliant end to the trip.

Can't wait till the next one.

The Evolution

You know what's weird? 

Revisiting actual tumblr pages of those you follow and finding links to their instagram, twitter and other forms of social media - offering, of course, a wonderful insight into the people they are and the lives they lead.

No longer do you wonder. No longer do you think, "I'll never really get to know the person behind this blog. I'll never really see." But therein lies the thrill. The exceptional anonymity of the tumblr world.

Until now.

And when I take time to think twice, my tumblr and all the links to my world. Why, another reciprocal relationship.

Guess who's on holidays?

Eighteen weeks. Halfway.

Tempus fugit.

Mind this space for retrospective posts.

Winter

Foggy days are back.

Returning to 'me'

Starting with simple things.

Such as walking home with favourite songs. Exploring the city on the off-chance free mornings.

I could do with more 'me time'.

Adjusting and re-juggling priorities.

9am - 5pm days are now of the norm. 7am wake up call. I only wish my tardy body clock will get its act together.

Sarah Kay & Phil Kaye "An Origin Story"

"I have seen the best of you and the worst of you, and I choose both."

Sometimes, the stars.

The Emporium

Brings back many memories of Hong Kong.

 

Might I just say - they have outdone themselves.

For just one day

I would like to swap eyes.

To see my idiosyncrasies and their nuances.

Everything I can perceive in another that which I cannot in myself.
I'm blind to my actions, and it is through my memories and my ability to recreate third-person memories that I picture the way I am perceived.

Just one day.

Also if I could make my dreams into movies, yes.

One last thing too -
if years are passing faster and faster because each year is now only a fraction of my lifetime, in addition to increased workload, commitments and all, then how?

I know to make the most of my 'now'.

That's probably what I wanted when I was trying to describe the feeling of watching very sad movies and bawling my eyes out.
A longing desire to feel.

Having lived 22 years, I want to feel something new.
Or to feel something with all its depth.

Hurt. Indignation. Sadness. Love. Happiness. Ecstasy. Rage. Passion. Inspiration. Exhilaration.

All of that.
Half of which I have not felt.

I feel as though my ability to feel has decreased.
That it takes so much more to stimulate my heart to the same extent as it did when I was young.

Is it jadedness that comes with age?
Cynicism? Habit?

I wonder.

And also people.
To never forget that that person there has a family; is a child of someone's too.
To see them in the context of their life and living, as opposed to merely a passing stranger.

I guess that's the most important thing.
That each day, we pass by so many strangers.
So, so many we never see again.

And to realise how big, yet how exceedingly small the world is.
Mine, but a minuscule portion of the lives of all others.

Medicine is also a social science.
And such an interesting science at that.

Fleeting emotions.

How do you articulate half-formed thoughts?
Slivers of emotion that comes and goes, shadows and hides for you to seek?

Only time will tell.
And movies, books, articles and quotes.

Glutton

Made and ate amazing dumplings.

So this is what motherhood would feel like.

Post suture night noms and funsies.

Autumn hues

My favourite season.

Speaking of which, means it's been a year since I started this blog.

On the way home.

As above.

So below.

Study buddy.

Macbook reflections.

Only a pity that I wasn't able to visit Mount Dandenong for even a day for the sights there.