Listen to your heart

I no longer know the date. I don't really know what month it is unless I think hard. I've entered a cycle of studying, eating, sleeping and playing games to destress. I also now understand exactly what my boss means by "turn to 'Chill out' radio, my brain needs to rest" after a long day. I know only the day of week and what I have to do on that day.

It's been 8 weeks since first year medicine started.
Despite how hectic it's been, I am thoroughly enjoying it.

Over the weekend, a bunch of us visited all the Rural Clinical Schools so we have a better idea of where we could potentially be spending our next three years - but really, I think it served only to make the decision harder in the best way possible.

Wangaratta. Shepparton. Bendigo. Ballarat.

Frankly, I didn't know how I felt when I first received my offer.

Not only was I part of the rural cohort, I had no idea what being part of the ERC cohort meant, only that I would be spending Year 2 at a rural site, and Year 3 at a site even further from Melbourne.

Ticking the box which expressed interest for the ERC program has never been a better choice.

A thought that kept coming back to mind, Everything happens for a reason. 

Such a cliche, but it really does.

I learn best in a small group and with as much hands-on experience as possible, which is exactly how these four sites emphasise in their teaching.

Ballarat, I thought at first, because I've always wanted to return to my roots. The tour of the hospital and accommodation area only cemented this tentative decision. But I think I'd be equally happy in any of these sites.

Wangaratta has a homely feel to it and I'm loving the idea of a ten-minute bike ride to the hospital and of all the day trips we could take to surrounding areas.

I had more words for this yesterday when I sat watching the country flash by on the bus, but I've lost them now.

I needed this push.
As with everything, I can never muster enough passion to chase after those dreams until I'm forced to. Yes, the next three years will kick me out of my comfort zone, but at the same time may well be the best three years of my life.

Nowadays I rarely go by feelings, but deep down, my heart tells me Wangaratta or Ballarat.

Superstitions

"Make a wish if a train passes over you."

I can't remember who first told that to me, or where I heard it from, but it stuck.
It may seem childish, but for years and years, I've done just that.

Made a wish every time a train passed overhead.

It was always the same one.

Please please please, let me get into med school. 

Or the occasional, please let this be resolved. To whatever problem I was faced with at that time.

Yeaterday, I drove my sister to school.

Just as we were under the underpass, a train passed overhead. My mind prayed for what I'd always asked for, then a moment later, a second voice.

You have.

And that was when it struck.

Snippets

"Our kids are going to be family friends."
I've never thought about it that way.

"A, you take Monday, Wednesday and Friday. W, Tuesdays and Thursdays. I'll drive them to Chinese school."

"They're going to get into fights and little quibbles and we're going to yell at them collectively."

Time is flying.
I can't wait to see where we'll all be twenty years from now.